


Turkey Day Torment

by whatsyeroffer



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Fake Dating, Human AU, Social Media AU, Thanksgiving Dinner, gdmonthly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 20:59:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12802278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsyeroffer/pseuds/whatsyeroffer
Summary: In retaliation to the injustice of being forced to attend Thanksgiving dinner with her family, Alex sought Astra’s help.Astra's mission? To make the evening horrible enough that the Danvers wouldn’t bother Alex about visiting for the holidays for a while.--General Danvers Monthly: Social Media AU





	Turkey Day Torment

**Author's Note:**

> prompt can be found [here](http://starbreads.tumblr.com/post/167403009591/orchidbreezefc-its-that-time-of-year)
> 
> Craigslist totally counts for Social Media AU right?
> 
> Also I have no idea when this takes place... I was imagining when Alex is in college, probably either right before her partying phase or during it. She's already out to her family.

**Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your family?**

_I am a 38 year old felon with an almost completely wrecked motorcycle. Since being dishonorably discharged from the military, I am unemployed and living with my sister. Occasionally I will work at my friend’s bar._

_To torment your family, I can pretend to be in a very long or very serious relationship with you._

_I can do these things at your request:_

_-openly hit on female guests while you pretend not to notice_

_-start instigative discussions about politics/religion_

_-propose to you in front of everyone_

_-pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on_

_-start an actual physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for the neighbors to see_

_I require no payment except the free (vegan) food I will receive as a guest._

_Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers._

* * *

After Astra received a response to her craigslist offer from a woman named Alex Danvers, they started texting nonstop. While originally Astra just wanted to learn about the stranger and the family she would be dealing with, she found herself fascinated with the woman.

Alex’s situation was interesting enough. Alex’s family had given her an ultimatum, either she showed up for dinner in Midvale or they would fly to National City and break down her apartment door. Astra knew from personal experience how crazy some families could get about the holidays (Alura threatened to do the same every year) but she thought their demands were a bit too much. Meanwhile they allowed Alex’s adoptive sister to skip their family dinner to have Friendsgiving with some coworkers.

So, in retaliation to the injustice, Alex sought Astra’s help.

The goal: to make the evening horrible enough that Alex’s family wouldn’t bother her about visiting for the holidays for a while.

And Astra couldn’t help but think tonight would be _fun._

The ex-General pulled up into the driveway of the address Alex had texted her. She revved the engine of her motorcycle once, letting the loud rumbling announce her presence. She hopped off the bike, took off her helmet, and ruffled her hair to make it look more disheveled.

She strolled up the porch of the large house and rang the doorbell. She looked down at her attire, an oversized Star Wars onesie, and quickly pulled the zipper down to mid-chest for a more scandalizing look. If that didn’t scream unemployed, sleazy girlfriend well... she had all night to convince them.

A moment later, a beautiful woman answered the door.

“Astra, right?” Astra nodded while, Alex checked her out. The ex-General almost wished she had worn something more form-fitting to really give Alex something to look at. Finally though, brown eyes met hers and the woman grinned evilly. “You’re perfect.”

Astra, thinking _fair is fair_ , took the opportunity to look Alex up and down as well. The woman was beyond adorable. She wore fuzzy black socks on her feet, crumpled jeans, and a warm, red sweater. They hadn’t exchanged pictures, but Astra really wish they had now. Alex’s short, brown hair framed her face and her eyes glinted mischievously.

“As are you,” Her smooth response made Alex’s jaw drop slightly. She delighted in the blush that even traveled up to redden her ears. Alex opened the door enough for Astra to brush past her. “Let the show begin.”

Alex led her into the dining room where a blonde, older woman was setting the table.

“Oh, hi. You must be Astra. My name is Eliza,” She stuck out her hand, “I’m Alex’s mother.”

Astra ignored the offered gesture. Instead she playfully dragged her eyes over the woman’s body- making sure to be _painfully_ obvious. When she felt the moment had blown right past _awkward_ and into _down-right uncomfortable_ , she said “I can see where Alex inherited her beauty.”

Astra had spent years perfecting her poker face during her time in the military, but Eliza’s disturbed expression almost shattered her façade. Alex was practically shaking with laughter beside her.

Eliza blinked once and then addressed her daughter, “Alexandra, sweetie, can you go get your father and J’onn from the garage?”

Astra grabbed Alex’s wrist before the woman could walk away. She stepped close and lifted a hand to graze a knuckle down Alex’s cheek. Hearing Alex’s breath hitch, she nearly forgot her game plan.

“Hurry back.” She managed to say.

Alex nodded at her, wide-eyed, before turning on her heels and running away. Astra turned back to Eliza, wanting to gauge her reaction to the move and fully intending to strike up another _horrible_ conversation… But the woman had fled into the kitchen. Astra grinned predatorily, eyes narrowed in on her prey.

The evening had barely begun and yet she was already having a blast. This elaborate ploy to get free food was the best idea she had thought of in _years._

She sauntered into the kitchen coming up behind Eliza, who was taking something out of the oven. The food smelled wonderful and Astra could hear her stomach angrily demanding to be fed. She hoped whatever Alex cooked for her that she had made plenty of it.

“It’s rather warm in here.” Astra announced, startling Eliza. She slowly dragged the zipper of her onesie down her chest, unzipping it completely, just as the woman turned to face her.

She wished she could snap a picture of Eliza’s _horrified_ expression.

Before she could make the situation worse, she heard someone stumble into the kitchen island behind them. She turned her head and saw Alex ogling her, mouth agape, leaned against the counter as she struggled to stand.

Astra smirked, attention completely diverted from Eliza. She tugged the onesie off one shoulder, exposing more skin and teased, “Oh Alex, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Eliza and Alex made twin choked noises of surprise. Astra winked at Alex, who was still frozen in shock, and _innocently_ asked Eliza, “May I have a glass of ice water?”

The blonde woman wouldn’t look at her anymore, even as she shakily handed Astra a glass of water.

 _Perfect_.

Astra felt a tug at the sleeve of her onesie and was surprised when Alex pulled her out of the room.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Astra sipped her drink casually. Alex licked her lips and Astra reveled in the lustful gaze. She absolutely did _not_ mind her ‘pretend’ date looking at her like that-

But then the woman said, “I think you broke my mom, so you can tone it down now.”

“Jealous?”

Alex huffed and looked away with a frown. “Come on, it’s time for dinner.”

“Don’t worry Alexandra,” Astra said, stopping Alex in her tracks. “You’re my date tonight, I only see you.”

“You’re supposed to be tormenting my family, not me.” Alex continued into the dining room with Astra following behind her.

As they sat down, two men entered the room. Astra narrowed her eyes at them, knowing they were both military from the way they walked in.

“Nice to finally meet you. I’m Jeremiah,” He waved and then nudged the man beside him, “And this is my good friend, J’onn.”

Astra nodded at them both. Once everyone was seated, Eliza started to pass the food around. When she tried to hand off the bowl of mashed potatoes to Astra, she let her hold it awkwardly in the air between them.

“Astra, dear, would you like some potatoes?” The mother prompted.

Astra’s lip curled up in distain, “I don’t eat potatoes. What do you think I am? A peasant?”

Eliza’s stunned expression sent Alex into a coughing fit in an attempt to hide her laughter. Astra turned and saw her date ( _no, pretend date)_ grinning at her- rogue butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She tried to ignore the reaction.

Then Alex picked up a different bowl and handed it to her. “Here’s your nasty vegan food.”

She had been looking forward to this part of the evening… She could finally enjoy the free food! And nothing made people angrier than an overly righteous vegan.

“Better than that.” Astra nodded at the turkey on the table.

But then she raised an eyebrow at the off-color casserole in the dish… Alex did say she couldn’t cook… Still, she piled her plate with the mystery food. Her stomach was made of steel, it could take anything.

“Why did you go vegan?” Eliza asked, feigning polite interest.

It was all going according to plan.

“I don’t believe that one living thing’s life is better than another’s.” Astra used the classic Guilt Trip™ answer. It seemed to do the trick. J’onn, whom she knew was the most religious out of all of them, passed on the turkey but he looked annoyed about it.

“Plus,” She continued, intending to take a dig at the elder Danvers at the table, “Any _real_ scientist knows how damaging eating meat can be for the environment. I can’t decide if you two are indifferent or uneducated.”

Alex choked on her wine for a minute. Astra moved closer to rub the woman’s back, barely managing to keep in her own laughter.

Jeremiah cleared his throat, “I think it’s important to remember how short life is-“

“And even shorter with the increased heart disease…” She interrupted his well-intended speech.

She noticed how Alex raised an eyebrow at her and she felt the urge to break character. Astra didn’t want the woman to think being a carnist was a deal breaker (why was she even worried what Alex thought?) In a mess of feelings, all she wanted was to put the politics aside to explain to Alex that she wasn’t as judgmental as she was acting…

There was a _very fine line_ between keeping character and not wanting to ruin things with her date.

“You’re in perfect shape Alex, you have nothing to worry about.”

After a couple minutes of clanking silverware, Jeremiah broke the silence. “So, how did you two meet?”

Astra picked up her fork which held a precarious amount of casserole and said, “Craigslist.” Before resuming eating.

Jeremiah frowned, but followed up with another question. “And, um, what do you do?” He shot his daughter a look, “Alex hasn’t told us anything about you…”

“I’m unemployed.”

Eliza glared at her openly now- she radiated disapproval.

And the night was _still_ young. “Alex, bunny, could you pass the wine?”

Astra didn’t miss the slight flush of Alex’s face. She made a mental note to look up other sappy petnames for later… Why was it so natural to imagine her and Alex spending more time together?

Astra turned the bottle up and gulped a mouthful.

And somehow that was Eliza’s breaking point. The woman stood suddenly, “Alexandra, I need to speak with you in the living room.”

Alex heaved herself up and followed her mom out of the room.

“What were you thinking, Alexandra?” Eliza yelled. Astra was able to hear every word, she looked across the table at the two men as they listened in awkwardly. “I expected better of you!”

Yet she could barely hear Alex grumble out, “I don’t know why.”

“This is such a disappointment.” Eliza hissed.

Astra winced at her tone. She stood from her seat, chair scraping back, and peered into the living room. Her brave Alex glared defiantly at Eliza, but her eyes were wet.

Astra moved to stand in front of her, wanting to shield her from the all-too-familiar look of condemnation. “It is not her fault I’m a loser.” She argued.

She felt Alex grab her arm. “Astra…”

But Astra would look into that later. She was too busy matching scowls with Eliza.

“You are a horrible influence on Alex. I cannot believe she broke up with Maxwell Lord for _you._ He was a gentleman and a genius- _”_

And the truth was revealed. Astra turned to look at Alex, who stepped up beside her.

“Mom, Max and I went on a date _once_. You’re going to have to let that go _._ I’m gay.”

Eliza uncrossed her arms and sighed, “Sweetie, you know that’s not what I meant.”

“It _sounded_ like you wanted me to keep dating Max.”

“I just don’t want you with _her.”_ Eliza explained, not noticing how Astra bristled. “You could do so much better.”

Astra suddenly felt like her food wasn’t worth being in the middle of this. When Alex took her hand, all thoughts of sneaking out disappeared.

“Would you like any woman I brought home?” Alex asked, but she shook her head at Eliza’s frown. “I will never win with you. Even if I brought home someone I was happy with, you would _still_ have some problem with them.”

To be fair, Astra had been a horrible little shit this whole night; she could understand Eliza’s disapproval. Isn’t this what they wanted? She _had_ completed the mission, but she still found it bittersweet that Alex’s family had taken their anger out on Alex and not herself.

“Let’s get out of here, Astra.”

* * *

Astra drove them to the beach at Alex’s insistence and her own need to make sure the woman was okay. They kicked up sand as they walked towards the ocean.

Then Alex stopped a couple yards from the water and plopped down in the sand, letting out an exhausted sigh. Astra settled beside her, not sure how she was supposed to handle this. She let the sound of the crashing waves calm her down.

Finally, Astra put a hand on Alex’s knee. “I don’t believe you will be invited to Thanksgiving next year.”

Alex snorted. “No kidding.” She playfully leaned into Astra to bump her shoulder.

Astra watched Alex’s short hair blow in the breeze and smiled, “Perhaps we could celebrate the holiday together next year?” She gauged Alex’s shocked expression and nearly backtracked, but then the woman tilted her head and smiled.

“Are you gonna make a nasty vegan turkey?”

“…Yes.”

Alex hummed and then said, “You never did say why you put that ad on Craigslist.”

“I wanted to be away from my family as well.”

“You know, spending a day with you _not_ antagonizing everyone sounds pretty nice.”

Astra laughed, “My sister will be there, so there will be some antagonizing.” She admitted, “But I will keep it at a minimum for you.”

“Maybe you could just visit my place.” Alex suggested. “We won’t have to deal with any of our family there.”

Alex’s eyes softened and Astra couldn’t help the way her heart galloped. “That- that would be lovely.”

At least she wasn’t alone in her hopes of spending more time together…

“Thank you for tonight.” Alex said after a beat.

“Anytime, Brave One.”

**Author's Note:**

> They probably kissed on the Danvers’ front porch with Eliza, Jeremiah, and J’onn glaring disapprovingly from behind one of the window curtains.  
> \--  
> OTHER NOTES:  
> \--
> 
> "Alex, there is something very important I want to ask you," Astra bent down onto one knee. 
> 
> "Oh hell no." The trio of parents growled.  
> \--
> 
> Jeremiah stood, a large carving knife in hand, “Okay gang. Time to cut the turkey.”
> 
> Astra’s chair scrapped back as she got to her feet. She unzipped her onesie and pulled out a machete that was strapped to her thigh. “Let me, Dr. Danvers.”
> 
> “No, I should do it.” J’onn butted in, holding a military grade knife.
> 
> Everyone turned to the head of the table when Eliza turned on the electric carving knife. “Allow me.”
> 
> Alex rolled her eyes and drew her gun. She shot the turkey, exasperated at everyone. “There. The turkey is carved. Can we eat now?”  
> \--


End file.
